Top Ten Drivers

Bob's Blog

Drivers' Top Ten

1) He's elderly, wears a cap, scarf, gloves, thick coat and even thicker glasses. Always drives at 20 miles-per-hour under the speed limit and doesn't notice anything in his mirror.

2) She's elderly, sports a blue rinse, drives in abrupt right angles. Needs to arrive at her destination early, to allow enough time to reverse into a parking space.

3) He's middle-aged. A know-it-all who thinks he has the reflexes of a fighter pilot. Spends his time at the wheel shaking his head in exasperation at everyone else.

4) She's middle-aged. Plenty of attitude. Can be quite good at getting though gridlock situations. Possibly menopausal. 

5) Young mum. Drives huge people carrier with aircraft tyres. Only two kids in the back, poking their tongues out. Specialises in looking down at you, not giving way and straddling across two parking spaces.

6) Young dad exec type. Always in a hurry. Specialises in lane abuse, juggling two mobile phones in one hand and flicking the radio controls with the other. 

7) Young single female. Always on the pull. Her car space is crammed full of cuddly toys and smells like a perfumery. Always pouting in the interior mirror and squeezing her spots. Responds to Hello Gorgeous.

8) Young single male. Jack-the-lad. Passed his test then instantly rejected the Highway Code. His stereo system crumbles granite. Out to pull young single female (see 7). But there's no chance. He's got four more jack-the-lads crammed into his car with him, each clutching lager cans.

9) 'White Van Man'. The professional multi-drop van driver. The specialist at lane jumping, squeezing through tiny gaps, flouting road signs, ignoring speed restrictions and never ever getting caught. Everyone envies him.

10) Bus/coach/lorry driver. King of the road. Uses his great bulk to advantage. From his superior weight, to his enormous height, to his immense stomach.