Recycle for Christmas

Bob's Blog

Recycle for Christmas

I'm striving for a recycling Christmas this year. My motto: Recycle for Jesus. And I'm sure that Jesus would approve. I'm going to do my bit to save the planet, and it's all going to start in the nearest place I have to heaven - my loft.

My loft is the place where my unwanted things accumulate. My loft is a boom to hoarders like myself. It consists of boxes labelled ‘XMAS DECS’, boxes of toys going back to the neolithic period when my kiddies were smaller, poorer and slower witted than me. It consists of surplus chairs that are only needed at Christmas and New Year when relatives swarm around our festive table. It consists of boxes of books that I’ve promised myself to read but forgotten where I’ve put them. And it consists of mysterious bundles of I know not what – all unjustifiably labelled ‘junk’ by my wife. Car Boot sales have tempted, but I have always taken the easy route up the rickety staircase to Hoarding Heaven and dumped my annual surplus where the Sun don’t shine.

So this year I decided to utilise my bulging storeroom in the sky and reduce its contents before the ceilings of my upstairs rooms sagged under their cumulative weight – and save the Planet. So if you are a close friend or a relative, I hope that you were not offended to receive from me a dusty but once loved item of bric-a-brac for Christmas wrapped up in a dog-eared sheet of wallpaper circa 1970 – it was for the good of mankind.

The following are jottings written down during my loft-exploration process:

10.00 am.

I have just returned from an exploratory mission through the hatch to my loft. I am a little cold, but elated. Don’t bother taking your little ones to see the latest Disney classics, my attic is even more wondrous and amazing; and tickets to view will be marginally cheaper too.

1.00 pm.

I have now retrieved and sifted through several boxes of Christmas decorations and spent an enjoyable few hours reassembling our 100-piece Christmas tree that more aptly ought to have been labelled ‘100-Piece Xmas Monkey Puzzle Tree (Rather wobbly. Two bits missing.)’. No problem, the bald patch can face the wall. ‘Never throw away your Xmas lights: even if some of the bulbs don’t work, you can always cannibalise them and mix and match.’ What idiot said that? You never can of course, no two sets are compatible, but if a few bulbs don’t light up – who will realise, or care.

3.00 pm.

No shelf, hook or bare surface in the house is safe. Our Christmas tree fairy is somewhat bedraggled and looks like she’s just returned from an all-night party. Cuddly toys, candles, silver stars, baubles compete for attention and our accumulation of ornamental Father Christmases smile down at us in chronological order.

4.00 pm.

I’ve just found a bag bulging with party poppers; part of a cheapo job lot no doubt and no guarantee. I wonder if they will still pop?

5.00pm

All done! It’s time to relax. The tree lights are glimmering and the freebee ‘jingle bells’ CD from the newspaper is jangling. And what’s more, this year, the Joneses are looking forward to a merry Christmas and a happy New Year without wasting the World’s diminishing resources.

I have indeed recycled for Jesus. And I hope God will be pleased.